LIVE COMEDY PORTRAITS FOR EVENTS
IN CALGARY & AREA
Where your guests become the show.
A service your guests will remember
Derpy Portraits is live entertainment built around one moment: THE REVEAL. A few minutes of drawing, a little friendly banter, and then the moment we’ve been waiting for: I turn the card around. That first reaction is the show, for the sitter and everyone watching. The original 5 × 7-inch portrait is theirs to keep. What they do with it is up to them.
How It Works
I bring the whole show to your event and set up a small, tidy station in a space about 6 by 7 feet.
Guests sit down. Your guests take the chair and immediately get a little awkward, because nobody knows where to look while they’re being drawn. That part is normal.
I draw. Each portrait takes about five minutes. I chat and crack jokes to put your guests at ease. There’s just one rule: no peeking.
The reveal. I turn the card around, and they meet the derpy version of themselves. Cue the laughter, the disbelief, and the friends leaning in for a look.
They take it home. The original 5 × 7-inch portrait is theirs, and a Certificate of Derpenticity. Ready for a spot on the fridge or a drawer where it will never be seen again.
You provide the chairs and a visible spot where guests can find me. I provide everything else and arrive 30 to 45 minutes early to set up.
Perfect for: Weddings, corporate events, birthday parties, holiday parties, festivals, markets, divorce parties, fundraisers, and customer appreciation events.
Basically, anywhere people gather and bring their faces.
Testimonials
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“Every detail was thoughtfully executed. We're thrilled with the outcome.”
— Wedding Planner, Wedding
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"It feels like Derpy Portraits wasn’t your typical caricature drawing. I find the other ones generic and a bit distasteful. Derpy has a style that is unique and matches my event. The way he engages with the audience is also very important."
— Event organizer, community event
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"We wanted something weird and fun that would feel like ‘us’ — big laughs, a keepsake, and something for people to do if they didn’t know many others."
— Private party host
Pricing Packages
Every package includes
An original 5x7 portrait for every guest who sits, complete with a “Certificate of Derpenticity”
A reveal moment for every guest, because the surprise is the best part
Simple setup with a tiny footprint (about 6 by 7 feet)
No stage, microphone, AV, or power needed
How payment works
Your date is secured with payment in advance. Once you pay, the date is yours, and you won't have an invoice to deal with after the event.
Accepted payments: e-transfer, credit card, cash, cheque.
All package prices are plus GST.
Plans change. Your fee can be transferred once to a new date with reasonable notice.
Overtime & extras
Running long? Extra time is $180 per half hour when I am free to stay. Big Derp Energy bookings get the loyalty rate of $150 per half hour.
Branded cards or sleeves with your logo: $75 to $150
Travel outside Calgary: quoted by distance
Pets: yes, I draw them. Dogs, cats, parrots, calm lizards. Pet portraits are charged double and guaranteed half as good as the people ones.
Derp Lite
$500 CAD
2 hrs, ~24 portraits,
The warm-up act. Perfect for smaller gatherings, cocktail hours, and parties where Derpy is one delightful thing among several. Two hours is plenty for word to spread, a line to form, and your bravest guests to get gloriously derped.
Fully Derped
$700 CAD
3 hours, ~36 portraits
The sweet spot, and the one most events land on. Three hours gives guests time to discover what is happening, watch a few reveals, laugh at someone else first, and then decide they are ready. Ideal for corporate parties and weddings.
Derp De-luxe
$900 CAD
4 hours, ~48 portraits
For bigger rooms and longer nights. Conferences, large receptions, and holiday parties with a guest list that keeps going. A full evening of reveals, and nobody has to sprint to the chair before time runs out.
Big Derp Energy
$1,100 CAD
5 hours, ~60 portraits
Maximum derp. Built for festivals, Stampede parties, and high-volume events where the crowd just keeps coming. Five hours of nonstop reveals and a small mountain of keepsakes. Need even more? Extra hours are $200 each when booked in advance.
Frequently Asked Questions
I GET IT YOU HAVE QUESTIONS
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Low-lift. I show up 30–45 minutes early, set up a small clean station, and the entertainment basically runs itself from there — no stage, no microphone, no production plan needed. One recent client put it best: "You honestly delivered more than we ever expected.”
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Standard is 5×7 — the perfect "ends up on a desk or fridge, not in the trash" size. Want something different for your event? Ask me and we'll figure it out.
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Whatever works for your event. A casual line forms naturally; I can run a simple sign-up sheet, or I'll coordinate with your planner on a managed queue. You don't have to organize anything — that's my job.
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Not in the way you're worried about. The humour is playful and warm —everyone should feel celebrated, not roasted. But fair warning:
These portraits are DERPY by design. Accuracy is not on the menu. If you'relooking for a flattering likeness, might I suggest a mirror? The artist reserves theright to exaggerate your quirks for maximum comedic effect. If you are easilyoffended, please consult your therapist before participation. Proceed only if youcan handle being immortalized in glorious silliness.
So: no one's getting roasted — but no one's getting flattered either. (Your CEOis safe. Probably.)
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At this moment no. These portraits are totally analogue: no dead batteries, no technical problems, just ink on paper intended to bring fun to your guests. Your guests take home the original, and that's the whole keepsake.
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Nope. Plenty of guests just watch the reveals, laugh, and have a great time without ever sitting down. Watching is half the show.
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Portraits of people are my thing, and pet portraits aren't something I offer as part of a regular booking.
But. If you're planning an event where pets are the stars of the show, reach out, and we can talk about it. And if getting your dog (or cat, parrot, or calm lizard) derped would mean the world to you, let's make it happen.
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A 6'×7' space in a visible spot, a couple of chairs, and decent lighting. I bring everything else.
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Pay the full fee. Once it's paid, your date is secured. Simple as that.
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As early as you can, especially for the holiday season (October–December) and wedding season — those dates go first. That said, if your event is next week, ask anyway. I might be free.
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Yes. Travel fees depend on the distance — tell me where the event is in the inquiry form and I'll include it in your quote.
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Deep breath. Cancelling does not make your money vanish: your fee can move with you once to a new date with reasonable notice. The full policy lives on the Pricing page
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In the tragic event that I'm felled by illness, questionable street food, or a dramatic drawing-hand injury, you'll get a full refund and maximum notice. I don't have an understudy — there is only one Derp Master (me), and he cannot be replaced. (This has never happened. I'm knocking on wood as I type this.)
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Somewhere your guests will see me when they arrive — that's how people discover the service, and discovery is what maximizes the fun. Otherwise, sure, tuck me in the corner. I spent a lot of time in the corner as a kid; I'm used to it. Just know some guests might never find me back there.